Redefine Failure

Family Adventure

GOAL:   Help family members develop a habit of trying new things without fear of failure and rather focus on the experience.

The ADVENTURE:  Choose something you haven't tried before and give it a try!

TIPS:

  Praise the child's effort, not the result or the outcome

  Support the child's interest and efforts by providing them opportunities to experience new things

Provide a 'reward' that goes along with the new skill being worked on. For example, if the child is exploring art try to provide them with the supplies they need for the art form they are trying to develop.

  Find ways to display or spotlight the new talents they are exploring. Whether it's giving them an opportunity to perform for the family, helping them find opportunities to lead in the community, or recognizing their efforts at being kind and meeting new friends, you will find ways you can support them by creating opportunities for them to practice.

Ask them about the new things they tried, and really listen when they are talking. Be present! Hear them!

Find a story or article about someone that had a similar experience to what they may have experienced and leave it on their bed or tucked in their lunch with a note.

IS FAILURE GOOD OR BAD?

One news article that made a deep impression on me was about Spanx founder Sara Blakely, one of the richest self-made women in the world. She talked about how her father encouraged her to always share her failures along with her accomplishments.

Kurt Vonnegut, a popular author, shares a similar story from his youth.

Both of these individuals and their stories teach parents, and all adults that work with youth, an invaluable lesson that should be applied in all we do, EVERY DAY.

Sara's Story

From a young age, Sara was encouraged to take risks.  When she was growing up her father used to invite her and her brother to share their failures at the dinner table. Instead of being disappointed or upset, he would celebrate their efforts. What it did was reframe the definition of failure. Failure for Sara became not trying rather than the outcome. This helped Sara learn to find value in her efforts that turned out short of expectations.

Her dad also encouraged her to write down where the hidden gifts were and what she got out of it any time something didn't go the way she expected it to. She began to realize that in everything there was some amazing nugget that she wouldn't have wanted to pass up.

The part that has really stuck with me was her account of an experience when she tried out for something at school. I don't remember if it was a sport or theatre or what it was exactly. What I remember is that it did not go well. In fact, it went so badly that most teenagers going through the experience would be devastated, embarrassed, and frustrated with the situation. However, Sara burst through the door that day and gleefully proclaimed, "I FAILED! I failed BIG! But I tried, and I did my best!"

Sara attribute's her incredible success in life to this lesson she learned as a young girl and the freedom she felt to try new things without fear of failure.

QUOTE from Sara Blakely about her son:

"One of the parenting things I think is so important is not praising the child, but praising the effort, and if he does things he's not good at, I talk to him about what he gets out of it."

Kurt Vonnegut's Story

“When I was 15, I spent a month working on an archeological dig. I was talking to one of the archeologists one day during our lunch break and he asked those kinds of “getting to know you” questions you ask young people: Do you play sports? What’s your favorite subject? And I told him, no I don’t play any sports. I do theater, I’m in choir, I play the violin and piano, I used to take art classes.

And he went WOW. That’s amazing! And I said, “Oh no, but I’m not any good at ANY of them.”

And he said something then that I will never forget and which absolutely blew my mind because no one had ever said anything like it to me before: “I don’t think being good at things is the point of doing them. I think you’ve got all these wonderful experiences with different skills, and that all teaches you things and makes you an interesting person, no matter how well you do them.”

And that honestly changed my life. Because I went from a failure, someone who hadn’t been talented enough at anything to excel, to someone who did things because I enjoyed them. I had been raised in such an achievement-oriented environment, so inundated with the myth of Talent, that I thought it was only worth doing things if you could “Win” at them.”

- Kurt Vonnegut.

How to Implement this in YOUR Family

So many people don't take risks for fear of failure. What have you tried new lately? Take time this week to pick something you've never tried, and give it a shot. Whether it comes easy or hard, and even if you fail completely, focus on and enjoy the effort and the experience . . . and then CELEBRATE the EFFORT!

Remember in your family to always take time to celebrate each others efforts, whether it be on the soccer field, learning music or at school. Whether your family member is the star, on the side, or falls flat on their face, remember that TRYING is where it's at.

Pre-K Adventure

It's never too early to start celebrating 'effort' and 'trying' regardless of outcomes and helping little ones learn how to learn from mistakes. Get excited (clap, smile big, show excitement in your voice) when your little ones try and fail using words like, “Yay, that was such a good try! Let’s try again!”

Community Engagement Adventure

Ready to take this concept out into your neighborhood? Here are some ideas . . .

  Grab some friends and go try something new. Help them understand that the joy is in the trying regardless of how 'good' they are at it.

  Share these stories via social media

  Share with your friends experiences you have had where you TRIED something new, even if you weren't great at it, and what you learned from it.

  Get in the habit of celebrating your friends' efforts regardless of how well they do.

Teen Adventure

Celebrate your teen’s EFFORT when they make a mistake, especially when it’s a big one. Make a big deal out of it by doing one of their favorite activities or having their favorite meal or dessert.

Photo Location

Take a picture of yourself trying something new and post it to social media with the hashtag #MyDiscoveryDestination

Sponsored by Wattson and My Discovery Destination!

The mission of My Discovery Destination! and the Discovery Family program is to STRENGTHEN FAMILIES and BUILD CHARACTER through providing opportunities for families to enjoy FREE family experiences so they can build strong bonds and CREATE and CAPTURE memories.